I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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