onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
