I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
