Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
