Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
