it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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