I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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