I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
