you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
