i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
