Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
