remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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