my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
