She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
