A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
