how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
