trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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