Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
