nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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