I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
