Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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