Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I came so hard my ears popped.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
