My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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