Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
