I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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