so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
