Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
