i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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