They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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