it was like his penis was on wheels.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
