I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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