we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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