Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
