the condom got lost in my hair
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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