I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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