Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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