Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My vagina just clenched in fear
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