I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
