We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
