yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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