We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
