Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize