I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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