Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
