meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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