How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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