what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
