i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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