Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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