So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
