are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
