Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
