Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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