I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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