If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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