I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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