he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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