Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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