I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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