he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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