I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
