I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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