Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
