just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
