and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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