3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
