those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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