considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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