I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize