Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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