I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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