You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
