is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
