i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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