good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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