haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
