I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
