So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
