what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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