i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
