I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
