I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
