I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
