Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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