I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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