Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
