why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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