i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
