This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
