wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
