does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
