i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
